I eventually persuaded Dad
he should stop taking me to the match
Yes, 1984 was the year
and on the stands, they were still drinking beer
And I was 13 years old at the time
A funny little thought came into my mind
If there were three teams in this game
then it would be less lame

MI5 put me on the list
of budding teenage anarchists
because I always asked questions
about the value of competition
And so that very evening, I
looked my dad right in the eye
Said, Dad, a winner there will be
but I don’t care which team

Football’s a beautiful game
I’m sure, if you like that sort of thing
The trouble is: I just don’t care which team wins

Fascism is a funny thing
It crops up where you most expect it
But don’t forget it gets the red card
from 99% of the crowd
So I’m not saying it’s just a big herd
Some of the songs have got great words
But some of the things I hear them sing
Well, it don’t make me grin

Football’s a beautiful game
I usually like it when they sing
The trouble is: I just don’t care which team wins